The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
