My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
