That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
