My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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