Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
