The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just gargled with NyQuil
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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