she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
