I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're too hungover to prance.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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