my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
