OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
