If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
