So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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