so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
