Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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