i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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