No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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