Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
