her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
