You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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