I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
