id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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