I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
