I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
