I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
