I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
time to smoke my breakfast
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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