I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
