we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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