What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
