Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
