writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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