Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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