i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
