i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
