JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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