I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
