We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm at about main and main street
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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