I just saw a hot homeless man
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
