He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
