So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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