JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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