Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize