I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
