How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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