There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
