i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
