I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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