after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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