So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
