wanna go halves on a baby?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
