and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
