my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
