Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
