i don't like sucking hair
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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