Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she smelled like a LAN party
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
