This girl is more easily done than said...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize