She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
