It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
