I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
