that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just googled if crying burns calories
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
