my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize