peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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