i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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