I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
