ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
