my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
