Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
