Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
