So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
