fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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