I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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