absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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