the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
