I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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