My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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