My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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