so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
