Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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