I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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