She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
