Little spoons don't ask big questions
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
