so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
