He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
