Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
