I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
